Time to Man Up

What's the deal with guys these days? Where to start, because there is, as I like to say about many things, so much work to do. Let's start off with a premise or two however. I love being a guy, and I am not interested in adding to the mindless man bashing that goes on. Hilary Clinton supporters, jilted lovers, and hard core fans of the WNBA have that market cornered. See, just being able to make silly statements like that is a total guy thing, talking smack is one of my favorite things about being male. I love to feel like I am entitled to the remote control, to be able to drive without needing directions, and sure as shootin' not have to use one of those effeminate and emasculating GPS systems. I took driving directions from a woman once, and ended up lost in some town in Illinois halfway between Chicago and East Moline. If I'm on the 4th fairway and there's no bathroom available until the 6th tee, no problem, there are plenty of trees and spots off the beaten path to take care of that, in fact that's probably where my drive just went anyways so I can kill two birds with one Titleist. If it's a hot day, and what other kind of days are there in the summer in Phoenix, I can take my shirt off while doing yard work, that is if I actually did yard work, but you get the point. There are a lot of advantages to being a guy, for one thing you don't have to deal with sexism being directed against you, and as a white guy I've never been the victim of racism, except for in the summer when i get a little bit dark and am mistaken for a Mexican. But so long as I'm not standing around outside of Home Depot I should be all right on that count as well.



Guys can get away with a lot of stuff that women probably can't. Think about sayings like, oh he's just being a guy, or, boys will be boys. We get bailed out all the time, I think it starts with our mom's, who turn us into little princes, at least the really good ones, and convince us that we are special and hardly capable of doing wrong. As a self-described momma's boy I can attest to this, as can my son, whom we actually call The Prince. If women get less pay for equal work, which statistically is amazingly still the case, then that must mean guys get more pay for the same work. Of course the male brain thinks, how about if I just take the same pay but do less work. According to my wife, at her job it cuts both ways, the males there do get paid more and do less work. Guys are more likely to get the promotion, the girl, and the cool car for graduation. So it's not a bad gig if you can get it, which leads me back to my original premise. What in the heck is up with guys these days?



Let's start with all the whining and bellyaching, and then let's just cut it out. It used to be that men were supposed to be the tough ones. Of course that's a fallacy, because women are the ones who give birth, and there isn't any knee or back injury that can come close to matching that. But men are supposed to be able to suck it up, play through the pain, get the job done, all that good stuff. Yet it seems that many guys today are too busy crying in their beer about how the woman done them wrong, or how their female boss doesn't understand them, or how society is taking away their privileges. Nobody wants to hear about your problems, especially if you are part of the gender that has had almost all of the money, power, and opportunities for the past few thousand years or so. If you have to start competing for status and promotions then suck it up and compete, and may the best man, or woman get the goods.



While we're at it, how about remembering how to treat a lady and to act like a gentleman. When did it become acceptable to refer to women casually as bitches and ho's? As in, that bitch just took my promotion, ho probably slept her way to the top. No more than you probably used your back slapping and beer drinking with the boss to get yourself to the top you fat slob, get over yourself and quit being such a misogynist pig. Men love to complain about lack of respect, but like I tell my students all the time, you've got to give it if you want to get it. A gentleman holds a door for a lady, minds his manners and his tongue around a lady, and you're only allowed to ogle her for but a brief moment, we are still guys after all, but after that get your eyes back up top buddy boy, that's probably somebodies wife or girlfriend, possibly a mother, certainly someone's daughter. It's not that women are the weaker sex at all, it's that a gentleman is supposed to do certain things, and respect for women is one of those, chivalry needn't be confused with paternalism.

As our future president said recently on Father's Day, any fool can make a baby, but it takes a man to raise a child. So all you deadbeat dads out there need to man up and do right by your kids. Quit using your evil ex as an excuse, she wasn't evil when you jumped in the sack with her sans condom, or when you forgot to pull out, or when you decided to have kids but then decided you couldn't get along. If you are a dad there's not much in life that can trump that, and there is no smaller man than the one who blows off his kids. The worst cliche is the guy with the ex and kids who live in another state. I'd follow my kids to the ends of the earth to be sure that I was there for them. And the deadbeats that don't pay their child support should be put in some sort of debtor's prison until they pay up, why not put the state of Georgia back to it's original use, and while we're at it we can transfer Sheriff Joe out of Maricopa County and have him set up some tent cities in the heat and humidity of the Peach State, or is it the Bulldog State, complete with pink boxers and green bologna.

Some other suggestions for guys are to get off the couch, put down the hot cheetohs and can of Pabst Blue Ribbon, and check out the inside of a gym once in awhile. It seems that women are taking better care of themselves these days in general, but the boys need to get with the program. How about putting on a shirt with a collar once in awhile in public too, tshirts are great for bumming around the house, going to the gym, taking a trip down to the hardware store, but if you're going out to eat, or getting on a plane, or otherwise out and about in public, put a little bit of effort in. Take it easy on the tattoos, I'm not a fan at all but I suppose one or two might suffice, but if there is more colored ink space on your arms than skin you might have a problem. Try reading a book once in awhile and going to a movie where fewer than a dozen people get killed. And Internet porn, nude bars, and skanky women in pool halls may have their place and time, but if that just described your three primary interests in life then you're not really doing much for the betterment of the gender.

I long for the days when men dressed to go out in public, refrained from using bad language around a lady or kids, unless they're your own kids and they piss you off, that's still allowed, showed up to work on time, took out the garbage and brought the can in within a day or two (are you listening next door neighbor of mine), treated people with respect, knew how to drive a stick shift, loved their country and believed in the value of service to others, took care of their familial obligations, and could basically be counted on to be there no matter what and regardless of how tough things got. Those are the men that I grew up with, the men that I try to emulate. There are a lot of good ones out there, but there are way too many slobs out there that give the rest of us a bad name, and it's time for them to pick up the slack and man up.