Double Tall Shot

Double Tall Triple Shot Extra Skinny No Whip 130 Degree Mocha Chai Latte for Noel! Ok, so this is slight exaggeration, as I am wont to do from time to time, but it is inspired by an order I heard the gal in line behind me put in at Starbucks as I was waiting for my favorite Mammoth California coffee mug to be refilled with the house brew. Not that I am against lattes, I enjoy a Mocha or a Carmel Macchiato from time to time, but c’mon already. Now we’re calling out the temperature on our hot beverages, what’s next? I have no idea, but I’m sure I’ll hear something even better while waiting in line soon.

Of course the worst is when you are in a hurry to get to work, just want to order your coffee and get to the salt mines, and some blowhard in the front of the line is making one of these long winded orders not only for themselves, but for the rest of the office, and they really don’t even know what they’re saying, it’s like listening to high school students try to converse in Spanish when they just started taking Spanish I. And the frustration you feel is reminiscent of being at the track with 2 minutes to post, 7 people in line in front of you, the sure bet of the day just waiting for a winning ticket to be produced, and some amateur at the front of the line asking what the difference between an exacta and the daily double is. Bro, if you have to ask, just take the 3 horse to win and move along. Same thing in the Starbucks line during the morning rush, if you don’t know the difference between a Soy Chai Latte and a Skinny Macchiato, just order a freaking cup of coffee already and put a lot of cream and sugar in it, nobody will ever know the difference.

I am unabashedly old-school, with no apologies necessary nor forthcoming. I believe that being a man is defined by how you treat others, especially your own family and spouse, not by how much you earn or how many hours you put in at the office on a weekly basis. I believe that a gentleman shows respect for women, from little things like holding a door open or giving up your seat in a crowded room, to the more important stuff like showing respect for their individuality and intellect, not lumping all women into some category of those who have wronged you in some way, or using language that would make a World War II veteran blush.

I believe in respect for the working man, none of us are any better than anyone else because of our title or the size of our monthly mortgage or car payments. There is much honest and useful work that gets done by what we refer to as blue collar workers that for my money is much more important than the paper shuffling and widget marketing that brings home substantial bacon for much of the so-called white collar working world.

I also believe that the toughest, most honorable, and most admirable work in the world is a job that no man can do. I am referring to motherhood, without which we would all be a bunch of primates running around without manners or morals, yet when done right produces more beauty and justice in the world than anything else. It is perhaps why I am sometimes harder on women, because I expect more of them. So I believe that respect for women, which is increasingly an old-school value, is something that needs to make a comeback in our culture.

I believe in simplicity, honesty, and integrity. I believe that when you bring children into this world that raising them to be decent human beings is by far the most important task you will ever face and it better damn well take up the biggest slice of your energies and focus. I believe in marriage, both for straight and gay couples, and I believe that it is a commitment to be taken as a privilege and a responsibility, namely one to make it work out despite the inevitable tough times and disagreements that will come.

I believe that racism, sexism, and homophobia have no place in our society and that evil triumphs when good people do nothing in the face of it. I believe in youth sports and youth theatre and yard sales and playing in the park and at least once in awhile putting a hook and bait at the end of a fishing line and spending an afternoon with your pole in the water, preferably with your kids and your pops and a cooler full of ice cold beer.

I believe in family and friends, and that the more time you spend with people that you love and accept and that love and accept you back the better your life is. I believe in the great outdoors and in natural sunlight, I believe in open air sports stadiums with real grass, and if you can’t get out to the game I believe that watching it in high def is the next best thing.

I believe that the only sound more beautiful than John Coltrane playing the sax is Lucciano Pavarotti belting out Che Galida Manina from the opera La Boehme, or the harmonizing of Jerry Garcia and Bobby Weir with backup from the band. I believe that the book is always better than the movie, and that live music in a little smoky dingy juke joint is still the best.

So back to the coffee order. Complicate it if you must, if it makes you feel better to take three minutes to place your order for a $4 hot chocolate, that’s your right as an American I suppose. But as for me, I’ll take the simple life, and I am more than content to be, in the words of Lynrd Skynrd, a simple kind of man. Time for a refill on my cup of joe, house brew, no room for cream, simple and straightforward with no pretense, just like me.