Right Where I Wanna Be

Last night I was walking over from Starbucks to pick up baked ziti from Jo-Jo’s, my favorite local pizza and pasta joint, and then over to Dominos, which is right down the walkway, to get Jake’s favorite new sandwiches. Julie and Chloe were at Tosca rehearsals and wouldn’t be home for a few hours, I had already stopped at Safeway to pick up a fresh bottle of Stoli’s and a bag of ice and I was heading home to have some dinner with my boy and watch the last quarter of the college football game on the tube. Great game by the way, I was able to catch the final few minutes, which is all I mostly watch anymore when it comes to games, and in a fantastic finish the Red Raiders of Texas Tech scored a touchdown with one second left to beat their nemesis, the number one ranked Longhorns of Texas.

Also last night, at a hotel in Long Beach, CA, many of the people that I graduated high school with were celebrating our 20th class reunion, the Torrance High Class of 1988. I went back and forth on whether I would go out for it or not, but ultimately decided not to, and I have to admit I wondered if I would regret that decision, I wondered if I would feel particular regret once the big night came and I wasn’t there.

I pretty much just try to go with the flow of the river of life, and let my emotions and thoughts happen, as opposed to trying to manage and control the process, so I wasn’t sure what I would feel, but I knew that whatever I did feel and think that I would deal with it, and that it would be honest, never contrived. And guess what? As I was walking down the path to pick up food, I realized that I’m right where I wanna be, about to head home for some good food and good football with my boy, who is more a young man these days as a very mature, intelligent, and articulate 14 year-old high school freshman.

I’m right where I wanna be in my life. Sure, I don’t make a whole lot of money teaching high school, I never expected that I would when I chose this path almost a decade and a half ago. But our family income is enough to keep up with the bills and usually have a few bucks left over to have a good meal on a Saturday night. Jo-Jo’s isn’t a swank five star restaurant, but then again I’m not a swank five star kind of guy, and I’ll put their baked ziti, or my other favorite the chicken parmigiana up against any of those places, and it comes without the long waits, high prices, and pretense.

I’d rather be at home on a Saturday night with my family, Jules and Chloe got home from rehearsal a little after ten, and we hung out and talked, in particular about how to deal with bigoted and racist people. Chloe is a very creative and loving 11 year-old, who is beautiful on the outside and has an incredible soul, just like her mom. She is bothered by prejudice against gay people, and against black people, as she relates that to one of her long time best friends and to a gay couple that we are all friends with. She wanted to know why so-called Christians hate gay people and so we broke out the Bible and tried to find where it mentions gay marriage but couldn’t find anything. Then we watched Saturday Night Live and went to bed. I’ll take the Saturday night I had over any other Saturday night I can imagine, I’m right where I wanna be.

It struck me that if I were at the reunion last night, that I would have been sitting there trying to enjoy myself in order to justify the cost of making the trip, but I really would have been thinking, more so after a couple drinks which generally bring out my true feelings, that I’d rather be home doing exactly what I was doing last night anyways. Don’t get me wrong, I would have liked to have caught up with some people, but to me a reunion just seems like the adult version of a formal high school dance, where you spend all this time and money and get all dressed up and 15 minutes after you’re there you and your buddies are plotting your escape to the nearest house party, or if all else fails, meet at the rocket ship at Hickory Park.

I’m living my life on my terms, accompanied by people that I admire and genuinely love and respect, and that feel the same towards me. I wouldn’t trade that for anything. I may not have a lot of money or fame, I may not be all that important in the grand scheme of things, but I matter to the people that matter to me, and I can’t imagine anything better. I have a beautiful and smart and funny and supportive wife who is also my best friend and my partner. I have two incredibly wonderful and sweet kids who light up my days and watching them grow up and become the good people I know them to be beats any amount of money, fame, or recognition. I have a great relationship with the two people that raised me, and even though I am now pushing 40 their influence on me is still great and always will be. And I have one brother in this world who means the world to me and even though we don’t get to see each other as often as we’d like, the contact we do get is always enjoyable, except for when he’s pissing me off like no one in the world other than a little brother can. But he’s a good guy and a great soul and I love him with all my heart.

There’s a lot to be said for simply being happy in your life, though you may not have accomplished everything you set out to when you were younger and more idealistic, you come to the realization that you can nonetheless still achieve a great deal that you didn’t necessarily consider back when you thought you had life all figured out. Besides, there’s still some time left to get a few things done, and I try to get things that matter done every day. I’m right where I wanna be, right where I’m supposed to be, and while I don’t know where this great adventure of life will take me in the future, I trust that it will be the right place for me. And there’s always the next reunion in another five years, maybe they’ll even serve baked ziti.