Things I Can Do Without

There are plenty of things that this crazy world needs more of, such as tolerance and respect and educated and enlightened people. To answer the question posed by the great musician Elvis Costello, nothing is so funny about peace, love, and understanding, and we could use a great deal more of it. At a basic level, many people, both at home and around the world, especially what are referred to as the world's bottom billion, can use more food and medical care and safety and security from the bad actors that plague them. But this is not a column about things we need more of, this one is about things we need less of, in particular things I can do without.

I can do without a fat bastard preacher having anything to do with the inauguration. Rick Warren, who I had never heard of before the campaign season, and would have been more than content to have kept it that way, has nonetheless crept into my consciousness. He is the pastor at some mega church in Orange County that apparently is one of the dominant mega churches and therefore this guy is like the Protestant equivalent of the Pope, or at least one of the Cardinals or Bishops, why the Catholics name their high ranking members after chess pieces and football teams is beyond me, but never mind for now.

So this guy is on record as not only being against one of the most fundamental civil rights that exists in our supposedly secular society, that being the right to choose one's life partner and marry that person, but he is hard core anti-gay marriage. My understanding is that he has equivocated gays to child molesters, polygamists, and those who go for incest, I'm not sure there is a name for such people, incestors sounds too much like investors. Did you hear the one about the brother and sister at Citigroup, never mind.

Our president to-be has apparently decided that it is somehow a good idea to invite this jackass to speak at the festivities next month, apparently in an ultra lame attempt to appease conservative Christians who wouldn't support Obama if he walked on water and turned a $5 dollar bill into enough money to bail out the auto industry. Not only is this symbolic decision highly offensive to gay people and all those who are fierce supporters of civil rights in this country, a category that used to include black folks before they got their share and decided that that was enough civil rights for one lifetime, but is plain stupid from a cost-benefit analysis, which is what should determine such symbolic decisions. The benefit of cozying up to the religious right is minimal at best, while the cost of pissing off strong supporters who got the guy elected in the first place is pretty great. This one decision won't turn us away from our guy, but he has just blown a good deal of good will and we are on notice that Obama as president may be trying to please everybody which usually ends up resulting in pleasing nobody. Inclusiveness is all good and well, but to include a bigot who has spoken against not only gays and lesbians but Jews as well is not a good idea and it's disturbing that it comes from someone who is supposed to be sharp.

Another thing I can do without is the Kennedy's. Caroline Kennedy is the supposed front-runner for the New York Senate seat being vacated by Hilary Clinton. While I don't really care a great deal who New York chooses for the seat, I don't think it is either fair or wise to put someone in place based on their name. I thought we were supposed to pretend to be a meritocracy, and yet we seem poised to put someone into one of the most important and powerful positions our republic has to offer simply because they are part of an overrated political dynasty. Maybe she is qualified, maybe she is smart and knowledgeable about national policies. Or maybe she is just a liberal version of Sarah Palin, who as much as I despise her and what she stands for, at least had some experience in government.

Lest you think that all I can do without has to do with politics, here are some other items for the list. I can do without bald white guys with goatees. First off, who told white guys they looked good with a shaved dome. I'm not talking about guys who are going bald naturally, for one thing that can't be helped, you either get good hair genes or you don't, and besides, I think that guys who are balding but keep their hair trimmed short look cool and distinguished. They're not trying to fool anyone with the old comb over, but they are keeping what hair they have left neatly trimmed and well kept. My dad and Jerry Brown come to mind on that note. But these guys that shave their heads clean look like some breed of egg headed space aliens. And then when you add the goatee to the mix that puts me over the top. I'm not a fan of goatees to begin with, unless you are a jazz musician, I personally think that real men wear full beards, mustaches are cool in a Tom Selleck sort of way, and being clean shaven is not a bad idea except that it requires too much work for my tastes, but goatees are just sort of weak. So bald guys with goatees, in my humble opinion, need to stop shaving the dome and start shaving the chin, either that or let it grow up the sides as well.

I can do without 34 college football bowl games. Give me the good old days, where there were only a handful of pre-New Year's games to ignore, and when New Year's Day meant a full slate of pigskin action, starting with the Cotton Bowl in the morning, the Rose Bowl in the afternoon, and then the night cap of the Sugar and Orange Bowls on opposing channels in the evening. The next day when the final AP and UPI polls came out we knew who the national champ was, and then we moved on with our lives and focused on the NFL playoffs. Now we've got games for nearly two weeks leading up to New Year's Day, but then the games get dragged out for another week after New Year's until the fake national title game, which often comes on a Tuesday night when even school teachers like me have to get up for work the next day. In case you are not of the same mind of me, then by all means, enjoy the Magic Jack St. Petersburg Bowl today, and no I did not make that up, that's an actual game, only one of four on the ESPN family of networks, as they say.

There's more that I could do without, but it is the holiday season after all so I suppose I'd better cut this before I ruin the spirit of the season. But one last thing before I go on that note, I can do without all of the other holiday celebrations that aren't Christmas or Hanukkah. These are the traditional winter holidays, and I neither care nor want to know anything about Kwanzaa, or the Pagan Winter Solstice, or any other holiday that some disaffected group is insisting be paid attention to. So Merry Xmas and Happy Hanukkah, and if you are a Buddhist or Hindu or Muslim or African, or Pagan, or Atheist or Agnostic, Merry Xmas anyways. I don't have the mental energy to concern myself with your beliefs, and besides, I'm busy trying to figure out whether or not Navy will cover the spread in the Magic Jack Bowl.